Sawi (emo-emohan kasi busted)

     Para kang sinampal sa mukha nang sabihin ng babaeng kinalolokohan mo na, "Sorry hindi na pwede." Parang gumuho ang mundo ko ng panandalian. Sumasagi sa isip ko kung sino ang lalaking kinahumalingan nya. Masakit pa din kahit na sabihin na long distance ang relasyon at wala naman talaga personal na interaksyon na naganap sa pagitan nyong dalawa, maliban sa mga text message at chat sa fb. Woooh! First time kong mabasted. First time din nanligaw.  Siguro nga hindi talaga itinadhana ang maging kami.

     Saan ako hahanap ng bago kong inspirasyon,  patuloy na lang akong mabubuhay sa paraang nakasanayan na, ang maging single. Well, masarap nga na maging single kasi walang committment sa ibang hindi mo naman kamag-anak. Nabuhay naman ako ng ilang taon na hindi ko sya kilala at patuloy na mabubuhay pa. Minsan talaga naniniwala na ako sa nabasa ko na habang nakalog-in ka sa fb ay lalo kang magiging malungkot sa buhay, pero updated ka sa mga happenings. Dafuq!

     Medyo senti na ba o emo? Hayaan nyo na ako, minsan ko na ring sinabi kay Yueh na mas naeexpress ko ang aking sarili sa pamamagitan ng mga letra. Kaya heto ako ngayon nakaharap sa screen at pumipitik ng keyboard. Dapat sa Journal ko na lang ilagay to eh, pero gusto kong i-post ito sa aking blog para ipakita na dahil sa pagtanggi nya ay meron akong naisulat na ganito. Salamat nga pala sa inspirasyon. Sometimes everybody gives a damn to a b*llsH*t. Hanggat maari iniiwasan ko ang magmura kasi ipinapakita non na kaunti lang ang bokubolaryo mo, para kang bata na gusto mong sabihin pero hindi mo maipaliwanag. Gaya nga ng sinasabi sa showbiz, "career muna bago lovelife" at mas gusto ko to kaysa sa, "marami pang isda sa dagat." Kung alam nyo lang, pihikan o ayaw ko sa isda. Ewan pero bata pa ako ayaw ko na sa isda maliban sa sardinas, tuna, tuyo, daing, tinapa at galunggong. Masnanaisin ko pang ikumpara ang mga babae sa bagyo kasi pabagobago sila at kung minsan hindi mo kayang i-predict ang nasa isip nila o ang usto nilang gawin.

     Maghihintay na lang ako ng pagkakataon, kahit sabihin pa nilang, "trenta ka na wala ka pang gf." Pakialam ko sa kanila nabuhay din akong hindi sila pinapakialamana kaya dapat mabuhay din sila ng hindi ako pinapakialaman in that way we can ensure peace or truce. Alas dose na at gising pa rin ako, hindi makatulog dahil sa nalamang hindi kanaisnais sa aking pandinig maging sa pusong umiibig. Hindi ko rin sila maintindihan sa mga trip nila sa buhay. Kakaasar kapag naiisip mo yung maximum effort na ibinigay mo para sa kanila ay babalewalain lang at titingin sa mas may dating. Pweh! Not every male is a Prince Charming. Lagi silang nakabase sa mga trending tv drama or movie na kung tutuusin ay exxageration of life na kung minsan yung tipong impossible mangyari sa totoong buhay.

     Masama bang maging totoo sa sarili na hunter ang mga lalaki at pilit naming hinahanaphanap ang prey na gusto naming makasama habangbuhay. Masama ba? Wth! Wala bang sasagot!? Ay nakalimutan kong blog nga pala ito. Sa totoo lang minsan talaga flirt din ang mga babae. OO, FlIRT. May nasabihan akong babae at nagtampo sya ng sabihin kong flirt sya. Hindi ko naman masabi na yon yung nakikita ko sa mga ikinikilos nya kaya sinabi ko na lang na gusto ko lang mang-asar o tatahimik na lang ako, pero makulit pa din. Mga isa o dalawang linggo nya kong kinulit pero wala syang nakuha. By the way magaan na ang pakiramdam ko, manigat naman ang mata ko. Gusto ko ng matulog nang mahimbing at bukas, sana, may text na, na nagsasabing pasado ako.

AYAN PULA ANG KULAY PARA IPAKITANG GALIT NA KO AND YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GET MAD. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....................

Wala lang Trip lang

20:42, Sun 12.Aug.2012

3k pala ang dapat n characters ang dapat qng itxt d2. Napagdcisyunan q na gumawa ng prng journal na so watever na i2 sa blog q. Astig db.

May nakita aqng bgong character sa internet, c rorsach ng watchmen. Dtectiv dn sya 2lad ni batman, dick tracy at the question. Bdass n detective c rorsach n my kkaibng maskara. D naman xa kcng talino nila btman pero st. Smart xa, tpong laking kalye kakaiba sya mag-icp. Cga sya sa lugar nila tapos mhlig din xa sa pagsusulat kc may journal xa.

Maganda ang descriptiv styl nya. My pgkk2lad cla ni the question dhl sa porma nila. Magllgy aq ng pic para maikumpara nyo.

+++++++

ikukwnto q naman ung ky dick tracy --dt. Una qng ndskover c dt sa isang libro, maganda ang pakakasulat napaka livly ng pagkakadscrb ni max allan collins. Nagsulat dn pala c max ng ilang scrpt ng btman. Parehas lng ng porma cla ni the question at rorsach kaso yellow ang 3p ni dt. Nasa gocomics.com ung story nya ngaun na cnusubybyan q. May mga tips at facts sa s3p n un kya makak2long un sa mga ordinaryong tao pati kming mga crmnolgst.

++++++

c the question naman. Sa justice league q lng nakita c the question pero xempre ngresearch aq 2ngkol sa knya. Isa xang reporter pero nagsusuot xa ng maskara at nagsusuot ng ala dtectv nung 60's para magsolb ng krmn. Gnagamit nya ang data gathering nya para masolve ung mga krimen.

+mukang d q na kaya tapusin 2 ng 3k characters. Kakapagod pla.

+malakas b ang 3p q s buhay kya nagawa q i2?

+Makapal n b ang kalyo ng mga pnoy sa kakatxt o bka ung mga scrn na ang puo gas2x?

MY PERSONALITY

I took this jungian test and found out that I am a ISTP. I do some research 'bout that and this is what i found:

Portrait of an ISTP - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
(Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Sensing)

---

The Mechanic

As an ISTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work.
ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.
ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers".
ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone.
ISTPs are action-oriented people. They like to be up and about, doing things. They are not people to sit behind a desk all day and do long-range planning. Adaptable and spontaneous, they respond to what is immediately before them. They usually have strong technical skills, and can be effective technical leaders. They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions.
ISTPs avoid making judgments based on personal values - they feel that judgments and decisions should be made impartially, based on the fact. They are not naturally tuned in to how they are affecting others. They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs.
An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on themself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge themself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.
ISTPs are excellent in a crisis situations. They're usually good athletes, and have very good hand-eye coordination. They are good at following through with a project, and tying up loose ends. They usually don't have much trouble with school, because they are introverts who can think logically. They are usually patient individuals, although they may be prone to occasional emotional outbursts due to their inattention to their own feelings.
ISTPs have a lot of natural ability which makes them good at many different kinds of things. However, they are happiest when they are centered in action-oriented tasks which require detailed logical analysis and technical skill. They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step.
ISTPs are optimistic, full of good cheer, loyal to their equals, uncomplicated in their desires, generous, trusting and receptive people who want no part in confining commitments.

Careers for ISTP Personality Types

---

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

ISTPs generally have the following traits:

• Interested in how and why things work
• Do not function well in regimented, structured environments; they will either feel stifled or become intensely bored
• Constantly gather facts about their environment and store them away
• Have an excellent ability to apply logic and reason to their immense store of facts to solve problems or discover how things work
• Learn best "hands-on"
• Usually able to master theory and abstract thinking, but don't particularly like dealing with it unless they see a practical application
• Action-oriented "doers"
• Focused on living in the present, rather than the future
• Love variety and new experiences
• Highly practical and realistic
• Excellent "trouble-shooters", able to quickly find solutions to a wide variety of practical problems
• Results-oriented; they like to see immediate results for their efforts
• Usually laid-back and easy-going with people
• Risk-takers who thrive on action
• Independent and determined - usually dislike committing themselves
• Usually quite self-confident

The ISTP is fortunate because they have the abilities to be good at many different kinds of tasks. Their introverted and thinking preferences give them the ability to concentrate and work through problems which leaves many doors open to them. However, to be happiest, the ISTP needs to lead a lifestyle which offers a great deal of autonomy and does not include much external enforcement of structure. ISTPs will do best working for themselves, or working in very flexible environments. Their natural interests lie towards applying their excellent reasoning skills against known facts and data to discover underlying structure, or solutions to practical questions.
The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ISTP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the ISTP:

Police and Detective Work

Forensic Pathologists

Computer Programmers, System Analysts

Engineers

Carpenters

Mechanics

Pilots, Drivers, Motorcyclists

Athletes

Entrepreneurs ISTP Relationships ISTPs are generally extremely capable individuals who are good at most things which interest them. They are usually bright, interesting, and exciting individuals with a lot to offer. They live almost entirely in the present moment, and usually do not make commitments beyond the immediate foreseeable future. An ISTP probably coined the phrase "nothing is unconditional". They strongly prefer to take things one day at a time, rather than make long-term commitments. If a relationship interests them and satisfies their needs, the ISTP will do their part on a daily basis to keep the relationship strong and healthy. If they lose interest in a relationship, their natural tendency will be to move on. ISTP Strengths Good listeners Usually self-confident Generally optimistic and fun to be with Practical and realistic, they handle daily concerns Are not threatened by conflict or criticism Able to leave a relationship with relative ease once it is over Able to administer punishment, although they're not interested in doing so Likely to respect other's needs for space and privacy ISTP Weaknesses Living entirely in the present, they have difficulty with long-term commitments Not naturally good at expressing feelings and emotions Not tuned in to what others are feeling, they may be insensitive at times Tendency to be overly private and hold back part of themselves Need a lot of personal space, which they don't like to have invaded They thrive on action and excitement, and may stir things up to create it ISTPs as Lovers "To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May ISTPs can be very intense and exciting individuals. Their strong Thinking preference makes them seem rather aloof and "hard to get". Their Sensing and Perceiving preferences make them sensual, earthy individuals. These attributes frequently make them attractive to the opposite sex. ISTPs live entirely in the current moment, which makes them especially interested in new sensations and experiences. They strongly dislike routine and strict schedules, and resist being controlled by others. They are fiercely independent and need their own space within a relationship. When involved in relationships which provide for their basic needs and which present them with new experiences, the ISTP will be happy to do what's necessary to keep the relationship alive and well. If a relationship becomes boring or oppressive to the ISTP, they will try to fix it, or move on. ISTPs take their commitments on a day-by-day basis. Even if they say "I do", it usually means "I do for now". They do not like to make lifelong commitments, although they may very well be involved in lifelong relationships which they have taken one day at a time. Sexually, the ISTP approaches intimacy as a physical act rather than an expression of love and affection. They are earthy and sensual beings who enthusiastically experience sex with all five senses. They bring spontaneity, creativity, and enthusiasm into the bedroom, and enjoy new experiences. Since aesthetic beauty has such strong appeal to them, they appreciate the "setting", i.e. bedding, lingerie, cologne, etc. ISTPs love to fix things, and may create problems in their personal relationships, just so that they can have the fun of fixing them. They have a tendency to hold back their own views on things. They like to listen to other people's views, but are generally non-commital about expressing their own opinions. ISTPs have a habit of evading answering questions by asking more questions. This can be frustrating at times to their mates, if they are after a direct answer. The ISTP's decision making process is entirely internal, so they don't feel much need to share their opinions with others. When they are interacting with others, they are in "information gathering" mode, so they tend to ask questions rather than share views. The ISTP just doesn't feel the need to expose themselves fully to others. When it comes to intimate relationships, the ISTP has the further motivation of protecting themselves. Most ISTPs are afraid of having to deal with their deeper feelings. Since their Thinking preference dominates their personality, their Feeling side is their least developed (inferior) function. Consequently, ISTPs are usually quite vulnerable and perhaps weak when dealing with their feelings. Their habit of keeping part of themselves hidden may also serve the purpose of keeping a protective wall around their hearts. Although the ISTP does not usually have a well-developed Feeling side, they frequently do have intense feelings for people. They can feel overpowering love for their mates, although they are likely not to express their emotions, or to express them inadequately or inappropriately if they do venture towards expression. However, unlike many of the other personality types, ISTPs feel strong affections one day at a time. One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow. However, since most people need more commitment than can be offered when taking things day-by-day, the ISTP who wants to remain in a relationship will have to resolve themself towards being involved in a more traditional commitment. For most ISTPs, making a commitment to an intimate relationship will require an effort to stretch themselves outside of their comfort zones. However, those who do so will realize that they can enjoy the benefits of a strong, committed relationship and still live their lives in the present tense. Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the ISTP's natural partner is the ESTJ, or theENTJ. ISTP's dominant function of Introverted Thinking is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Thinking. The ISTP/ESTJ combination is ideal, because both types share the Sensing preference for perceiving the world, but ISTP/ENTJ is also a good combination. How did we arrive at this? ISTPs as Parents "You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth... Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran ISTPs are flexible, laid-back, uncontrolling parents who like to take things as they come. Their dislike of being controlled or controlling others extends to their children as well, and they're consequently likely to give their kids a lot of breathing room and space for individual growth. However, when discipline is required, the ISTP will be able to administer it without too much difficulty. They may have difficulty mustering up the enthusiasm to discipline their kids, but once they get going they'll be effective. ISTP parents are likely to maintain a distance between themselves and their children. They do not feel a tremendous need to pass on their values to their children, or to influence their decisions in life. They're likely to rely on their mates for creating a structured environment for their children to live within. ISTPs do not like to be directed or controlled, and are not likely to direct and control others - including their children. They're likely to be relatively uninvolved with the daily happenings of family life, without making a conscious effort to keep interested. ISTPs will enjoy spending one-on-one time with their children pursuing outdoorsy activities, such as fishing, boating, hunting, etc. It is during these private moments that the ISTP will take the opportunity to get to know their children's perspectives, and to pass on the ISTP's interests and perspectives. ISTPs as Friends ISTPs have an enthusiastic, childlike approach to life that is attractive to others. As Introverted Thinkers, they also have some real substance to them which prevents them from being entirely frivolous and hedonic in their pursuits. They are laid-back and flexible, and generally accepting of a wide range of behavior. These attributes make them valued friends and confidantes. ISTPs usually have a selection of friends who share their love of particular hobbies and pasttimes. They might have a friend who they ski with, and another who they shoot pool with, etc. They generally have no interest or patience with individuals who do not share their interests, and will spend little or no time with them. They have a difficult time understanding people with extremely strong iNtuitive preferences, and are not likely to spend time with these individuals unless they share a common interest or hobby. They enjoy spending time with Extraverts, whose enthusiastic, talkative natures are attractive to the more reserved ISTP, but they will eventually tire of their "bubbliness". The ISTP is able to get along well with people of any personality type, but is likely to value and bond only those with whom they have common interests. from: https://www.personalitypage.com/html/home.shtml

Pag-asa nasaan ka na? (english version with the help of googl translator)

Haay .. The time I wait for the result of nuero and I do not want to wait any longer. Eaten by the time the hope left in my heart. Whom shall I lean? Which I gather when I fall? What happens in the next two years fun in my life? I have many unanswered questions. I also not able to fulfill my dream. I want to tread the path of Suzaku Kururugi went and never went the way of Lelouch. As I said that I do not have ability, like Lelouch.

Why because there was a neuro exam? E, the warriors turn nuong day without it. I want to live in ganuong time. Yun impossible, I know. Where can I huhugot strength to continue on like this idle life, besides I blog this? Where? Where? Although I have repeatedly ask yourself other questions that are not also be able to mitigate the loss I feel. Sh * t.

There's more I turned matatakbuhan, yun is the Creator. I Idinunog him my problem last night. I hope this malalagpasan or so he has better plans for me. Envy is also one of the problems because I see my contemporaries in the forefront of racing and I am still here, near the starting line. Haaay ... lives. I hope, I hope i can maupos time of extreme need because you are the root of the time my immune waived me of all.

I look above and mangangarap and look for the fulfillment of dreams. Hopefully I bumalentong Lord even the amount of sin, E, I also do care. I hope tired. Would fill again lost hope in me for many years passed in which dark surroundings.

Paalala: Huwag masyadong umasa sa google trans;ator, kita nyo naman ang mali hindi ba.

Pag-asa nasaan ka na?

     Haay.. Ang tagal ko ng naghihintay para sa result ng nuero ko at hindi ko gusto ang maghintay pa nang matagal. Hinihigop na ng oras ang pag-asang natitira sa puso ko. Kanino ako sasandal? Saan ako pupulutin kapag bumagsak ako? Anong mangyayari sa susunod na dalawang taon na masasayang sa buhay ko? Marami akong tanong na walang kasagutan. Wala din akong kakayahan para isakatuparan ang mga pangarap ko. Gusto kong tahakin ang daang tinahak ni Suzaku Kururugi at hindi ang daang tinahak ni Lelouch. Gaya nga ng sinabi ko wala akong kakayahan, na tulad ni Lelouch.


     Bakit pa kasi nagkaroon ng neuro exam? E, ang mga mandirigma naman nuong araw ay wala nito. Gusto kong mabuhay sa ganuong panahon. Imposible yun, alam ko. Saan ako huhugot ng lakas para magpatuloy sa idle na buhay kong ito, bukod sa blog kong ito? Saan? Saan? Kahit na paulit-ulit ko pang itanong sa sarili ang mga tanong na iyon ay walang rin itong magagawa upang maibsan ang kawalan na nararamdaman ko. Sh*t.
  

     Meron pa pala akong matatakbuhan, yun ay ang LUMIKHA. Idinunog ko na sa kanya ang problema ko kagabi. Inaasahan kong malalagpasan ko ito o di kaya ay may mas maganda siyang balak para sa akin. Inggit din ang isa sa mga problema ko dahil nakikita mo ang mga kasabayan ko na nasa unahan na ng karera at ako'y nandito pa rin, malapit lang sa starting line. Haaay... buhay. Pag-asa, sana'y wag kang maupos sa oras ng matinding pangangailangan dahil ikaw ay ang ugat na kakapitan ko sa mga panahong  tinalikdan na ako ng lahat.

        Titingin ako sa itaas at mangangarap at aasa para sa katuparan ng mga pangarap. Sana Panginoon kahit bumalentong na ako sa dami ng kasalanan, e, magawa mo rin akong alagaan. Pagod na akong umasa. Sana punan mo ulit ang pag-asang nawala sa akin sa loob ng maraming taon lumipas na kung saan madilim ang paligid.